better late than never

Apparently I’ve not got a brain in my body… link a site, and never update it… logical, yes… err, no…

I’m having one of those moments, dare I say repetitive and demoralizing. Those moments when you again realize that you actually did move 500 mi. from friends and family, and no longer know what’s going on in anyone’s lives, and even if you did spend 100s of hours on the phone, you’d still not actually know what’s going on in your friend’s and family’s lives.

The one form of community I had is gone… and someone decided it’d be cute to place the blame on me for it. And it’s not my fault. Why is the world so naive and unwilling to realize that women aren’t just sitting-ducks. I’m not neo-feminist or anything of the like, but just because I have ovaries and I’m 23 years’ old doesn’t mean I don’t know a thing. It also doesn’t mean that I know everything. I’m the FIRST person to admit I’m an idiot, too.

I don’t knwo what’s going on in most of my friend’s lives, for real going on in their lives. You know what I mean; the deep down thoughts, frustrations, hurts, thrills, joys, questions, etc. These women and men I spent years with, learning about their desires and joys, as I watched them conquer battles, lose wars and win others. Maybe once a month, or every few months a phone call for 30 minutes is supposed to keep us “in touch.” I’m just not quite sure how a phone call that discusses the surface level aspects of life is supposed to help me truly know a person.

I give up… this sucks that this is a part of my life, but I know that that’s not all of it… it can’t be, or life wouldn’t be worth it, to be just plain ol’ frank… I’m meant to be here, I’m meant to love, live, embrace, cry, laugh, frown, learn, and listen b/c we all need it. But some days, it’d be so nice to be right next to those whom I know know me … sad thing is, they know me as the libby from 2 years ago, not the Libby today – and frankly, I like me a lot more now… but you wouldn’t know that would you?

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One response to “better late than never

  1. the_shrevenator

    I love you, Libs.
    And I’m glad you are here.
    Because you bless me more than you can ever know. I’m praying for you. Enjoy your VACATION!!!!

    : )

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