can’t grow tired…

I’m enjoying using song lyrics as titles of blogs, but I realize that no one knows what the songs actually are. I wax and wane on life, and this is no exception… why though?

Why do the ironic things in life happen when I really don’t need that kind of crap to happen… seriously now! I don’t really need to hear about your girlfriend and possibly proposing in the next few months, and I really don’t need to know about how you still consider me one of your closest friends… I feel like if your girlfriend knew how you really feel about me, she’d not be so happy… and beyond that, if she just knew what you SAY to me when you do write, she’d be livid… but no, because she’s known you from such a different, far-distance place, she’ll never know.

I love how with my luck, I could run into you this week… wait no. I love how now i’ll be guarding myself from you this week while I’m supposed to be on vacation because, well, I want to have a good time. Why does this happen to me?

I don’t want your love, I don’t want your friendship, really. Of what value does it bring to me? Of what joy does it bring? Nothing, absolutely nothing by heartache, tears, anger, and feelings that I never want to feel again… you brought out the worst in me, at the worst of times… and I don’t want to tell you that anymore, but frankly, it needs to be out on the table… heck, I’d really enjoy it if I could just tell you some super huge lie about how I’ve been dating someone for 6 months, and that’s why I’ve not responded to any of your e-mails for 9 months… you think you’ve not responded to any e-mails… sonnyboy, dannyboy, crazyboy – it’s me, and only me… you keep trying to open communication with me, it’s not the other way around. Why do you find it necessary to talk to me anyway?

I’ve never in my life wanted to be that girl who breaks up a relationship… I’ve done it 2x already, both times for the same guy… does that say something about me? Or the illusive us? I certainly pray not…

Unless you want to be open and honest about how you feel about me, never use cutesy names on me, never write me, never talk to me… say the heck away from me. You’re bad, you’ve evil and you’re certainly NOT good for me.


One response to “can’t grow tired…

  1. Well written. Descriptive but elusive. I certainly hope for an ending for you. One that actually sticks.

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