you never let me go…

I’ve been thinking a lot today about this move I’m inevitably making. I mean, seriously, wow… I’m moving to Pasadena… in less than 30 days. Less than 30 days to say goodbye to people who have watched me grow and fall in ways that I never imagined, to people whom I will always call dear friends and family, to people who mentored me ever so gently, and to people whom I mentored ever so… something, can’t think of a good word!

Sometimes I get my head so freaking stuck in myself that I forget that this is going to be just the beginning of something else for me – and what joy and struggles will come from it are all meant to be, or in the very least, will be used for the greater picture and story. Not just a picture or story of Libby, but God’s. I get so fed up with christianese, with this overwhelming need in this christian subculture to say the perfect sentence that includes Jesus or God or calling or some other load of crap like that… that may sound totally not the way I want it to sound, but essentially what I’m trying to say is: i’m sick of people making the words the selling point, not the action, the doing, or the being even.

The church has gotten so freaking good at being all about the talk, and not at all about the action and i’m just seriously fed up with it. Above is a reflection, in part, about our class in our high school class on Sunday – we preached and preached to them about why they should be joyful, and not dwell in their sin. Great message, fyi, that we taught out of Psalm 27.1-4. Loved it… BUT, i didn’t at all love this: we never told them how to be joyful. There’s no experience for them. And in this world of postmodernism where everything we do or say is about the experience, we’re missing the boat, largely, in my measley mind.

I’ve noted lately that I, too, have become about the talk – whereas I don’t think that was always my story. I’m sick of looking at the last two years and noticing how much I’ve allowed myself to be confined to the church’s restrictions and parameters for ministry, or at least, what would be deemed effective ministry. Just go out and do it – and if someone’s gonna tell me that I’m not being Jesus to someone else, then gosh darn it, go do it yourself! Don’t tell me what I’m doing is wrong, but please, model to me how to do it and then maybe i’ll get the picture. But when you don’t do that, when you have what appears to be in your mind an unalienable right to tell me how I’m supposed to be Jesus to someone that you may not know, and you just want to use the name of a holy and living ruler, for the sake of doing it, for saying G-d, it does literally no one any good, and certainly, in some way, is considered blaspheme in my book.

I don’t know… i’m so sick of people not being real… but here i am, venting on a blog that very few people read… maybe i should go make a difference somewhere… yup, that’s the plan… yeah, be real Libby…

…..::..:….sigur ros::::saeglopur….:..::……

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2 responses to “you never let me go…

  1. Libs…it’s daily a constant struggle for any of us in ministry….how do we remain relevant, and how do we let go of worrying about what the world qualifies as a real job and as successful? It’s tough…but as long as we keep being Jesus with skin on in whatever it is we do…then we are successful…maybe we don’t think we are, but as long as we are glorifying God in what we do…we’re doing it…what was that quote again? Preach the gospel always, and if necessary, use words? I think St. Francis of Assisi said it….anyway…enough rambling from me…gonna go ramble on my own blog…talk to you soon!

  2. Amy, Ben, and Bryn

    Libby, I love you. And more specifically, what I love about you is that you are one of the more REAL people that I know. And oddly enough, I totally relate to your tirade here, because I am supposed to hear back from the search committee at OPPC tomorrow, and I am already getting cold feet about whether I will even be able to be effective at “loving kids” anymore if that is my JOB and if I can even be effective in the eyes of the church, parents, etc. if I just love them and don’t constantly throw the Christianese at them. Ugh.

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