and i’m waiting on…

avoidance and insecurity… they rare their heads a bit too often

first word: I’m good at it, though I hate letting things drag on… what does this mean? I’m a walking (and sometimes stumbling) oxymoron.

second word: I hate it, but it’s my life… why is the better question.

what am I avoiding this week? Hebrew Prophets, dinner parties, homework, Chap reading, writing papers, admitting it’s November (almost), bills, oh, and life…

what am I insecure about? Hebrew Prophets, dinner parties, admitting it’s November (almost), bills, oh, and life…

are you noting the similarities…

When does it happen that I actually let Christ fully take over in me? that daily process seems to relinquish itself from me more than I’d like… I just want to know (and understand) how it’s really supposed to look like… and how to do it in community… somehow it seems to make more sense to me… when do I like the me in the mirror and not care what others think…
when will I know that yes, I do have a ways to go in this life, but really, all i need is to be in the here and now, loving and embracing these moments, and not caring if I’m not hanging out only with people whom I think are the people to hang out with…i’m cool… actually, i’m pretty freaking funny when it comes down to it… i’ve been under a lot of stress lately, i have ignored a lot if it (all for the sake of being a buttface), and know that it’s not me that has triumphed, but the grace that only God can provide me, rising through me…

at some point, i’m going to look back on this time in my life… and I’m sure I’ll laugh, a lot… but i’m also sure that I want to look back with happy, funny, silly memories… as well as memories of intense wrestling, rest and challenge… I want to know that tremendous amounts of debt are actually worth it! πŸ™‚

So that avoidance thing…yeah, i’m working on changing that right now… off to the Former Prophets… BLECH!


One response to “and i’m waiting on…

  1. Amy, Ben, and Bryn

    Ah, Libs, you truly are excellent at the avoidance thing. πŸ™‚ I miss you ridiculously and want to hear all your updates so I can yell at you about your avoidance and insecurity. πŸ™‚ Meanwhile, rest assured that you are one of the coolest people I know and that you are definitely in the right place where you are (although I would not be complaining if you came back here!).

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