just like my…

I wrote this blog earlier today for school. Yeah, I blog for Fuller – don’t ask, I don’t know why they want me to either. Anyway, I write for the Admissions page and we’re supposed to discuss things – and there’s literally no direction except make the school not look bad. Yeah, that’s easy – errr… anyway, I’m actually curious about people’s response to this one. Feel FREE to share, folks.

It’s been a while. Let’s put it this way – I’m really tired, really busy, and really kind of stressed lately. I feel like I’m either moving at 100 mph or I’m about to fall asleep. Such is the life of a grad student who gets involved in people, school and work. I had started another blog a few weeks ago. I had no idea it was two weeks ago, however. Yikes!

That blog began with more reflections on Virginia Tech. I’ve continued to process, think and pray about the events that occurred since then. I find it so funny (in a completely non-humorous sort of a way) how the media can become so obsessed one minute, and move completely beyond the next. I wonder how we are supposed to be living in a world where things are constantly changing, to embrace that change, and yet remain focused upon the fact that life does not always move on for others.

It seems that the process of grief for our culture is often stymied because of our constant need to “move on” with life. Anyone who chooses to dwell in the moment is immediately chastised as being overly dramatic or unrealistic about the way our world works. I wonder how I’m supposed to be ok with the world working that way, when I know the gospel message is also telling me that I’m not supposed to be living just like the rest of the world.

The culture war has been really on my heart lately. Am I supposed to just forget about VT? Am I supposed to dwell instead? What is the right response? As a Christian, am I supposed to be outraged about the media’s compulsion to focus so much attention upon ethnicity, and almost ignoring psychological implications of a young man? Should my heart be broken, instead, that the media completely ignored the thousands of deaths that occur daily in places like Darfur and Iraq?

I truly believe that God places hurt and compassion on the hearts of his children (different ways and types), but some days it seems like there’s too much hurt and not enough focus and direction. Maybe it is my momentary cynicism, but momentarily, I feel heartache and wonder at how I’m supposed to laugh when I see all this hurt everywhere.

God’s grace abounds – I see it in my home, my friends, my family. I experience the fruits of it when I know I am the least deserving. But some days, I wish that empathy would wash over me more frequently, that I would be more burdened to think before I speak, to speak out when I should, and to love the best I can. It’s like the movie Pay It Forward, maybe?

I don’t know. What I do is there’s not easy way to end this except to say that I cannot imagine living in this world not knowing and trusting in the hope of a omniscient creator who is much smarter than I. I’m glad there are answers. I just wish I knew how to tap into it more effectively.

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One response to “just like my…

  1. grete rachel

    I love that you used the word “stymied”

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