I am a glutton for pain. I do this to myself all the time. I avoid homework, I take too many jobs, responsibilities, etc., all for the sake of doing, instead of being.
And here I am, writing a paper about a topic so real and so jarring. And all that I really want to do is talk about it with someone. I want someone to hear my story, and ask the questions I need asked. I want someone to tell me they love me. I want someone to hold me. I want someone to care for me the way that I need, in a way.
Yet I am fully aware that my experience with this has forced me to become so detached, and avoidant of relationships, authenticity and to avoid. Oh Catch-22s. Maybe sometime this summer it’ll make more sense?