the beginning of the end…

i’m short-story blogger happy lately. i think God has been trying (poor thing) to teach me patience since pre-birth. but if one thing is seriously for certain, God is trying to teach me this subtle, yet poignant lesson for the past few weeks. i’m pretty sure that God wants me to be more patient, and in fact, I’m pretty sure most days of the week i want to be patient.

but tonight I found myself frankly, quite impatient. and it wasn’t like there was one thing keeping me from practicing this art. now while my face may have said, “i’m cool, calm and collected,” the fact of the matter is that my heart and my head were not participating in this same way of life.

there I was, annoyed with a multiple list of things: people’s attitudes and behaviors, my personal response, and just the overall attempt at attention that 90% of the room exuded. i love people, people-watching, and the overall opportunity to to spend time in fellowship, but i am not at all impressed with the attitudes that some carry (quite willingly, might i add) that they are in fact “cooler” or “sexier” than the rest. the fact is, we all are mightily insecure.

I had a great conversation for a bit with a friend of mine that I wish I knew a lot better. I hope that a trip this summer back from Seattle does in fact happen. And when it happens, I hope we all learn to play well. I hope that we all learn to actually talk, be in community, laugh, make mistakes, etc., but still, that we all truly learn what the body of Christ looks like for a bunch of 20-somethings. And, more importantly, that we live it out in a way that is because of our desire to grow closer to God and to one another, than it is to be the cooler, hipper, sexier version that we think Fuller, Christians, or for pete’s sake, the world may be calling us to be.

I want to be different. Not because i am, but because I want people to want to get to know WHY I am different. I want them to not try to figure it out on there own and assume its because I’m power, pride or money hungry, but because I’m willing to be me, in the comfort and context of the gospel. I wonder how much of a pipe dream I may be attempting to live in.


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