keep on driving…

i love how scents and sounds have such a profound effect upon my memory. the recall that occurs occasionally can place me momentarily in the past, almost to an extremely overwhelming sense. there have been moments in recent months where I’ve almost wanted to run, I’ve been so transcended into different places or moments.

for some reason, about 45 minutes ago a song popped into my iTunes that I typically skip over. why? takes me directly back to a painful relationship of my past. the wounded part of my soul, the part I want to often run as far from as i can. seriously. the song touches me so that I fearmy responses.

for some reason, as i played it, i didn’t feel scared, overwhelmed, or even angry. in fact, I felt bad. don’t ask why, but in the midst, I purchased the cds that i’ve literally destroyed from play in my shitty Nissan’s CD player. (maybe I should say my Nissan’s shitty player). either way, it’s destroyed far too many cds (replace it libby, i know…)

Anyway, I’ve been sitting here listening to these two cds right now, getting so nostalgic. when suddenly, i’m finding a part of me that i thought was just absent or lost. whatever it might be, I feel it slowly creeping back in. maybe i’m suddenly willing to listen to jesus again? that sounds so freaking (for my pg-13 audience) cliche, but I feel it in my soul. this man takes me right to the foot of the cross when i’m so unwilling to go there lately. i’ve felt so distant, angry, annoyed, bitter, confused.

i think questions and change are good. i like it, despite the conflict i experience. but lately, not so much. but this song, i needed this song…

how long, how long to wait?
when my heart’s ready to break
how long, how long to stand?
when i still don’t know who i am?
would you be my lover if I had no love and no beauty to speak of?
would you still be faithful if I had no faith and I questioned everything?
amen. amen.

what if, if i turned away and in darkness hid my face
would you, would you leave me then?
woudl you draw me to yourself again?
would you be my lover if i had no love and not beauty to speak of?
would you still be faithful if I had no faith and I questioned everything?
amen. amen. amen. amen. amen.

what love is this? what love is this that can never change?
that will never change.
what love is this? what love is this that remains the same?
that remains the same.
amen. amen. amen. amen.

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One response to “keep on driving…

  1. Just read yesterday’s post. What’s your beef with PCUSA?? I’m most curious. Cause you know all I ever think about now is God….so humor me.

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