not even close…

it must be a yearly thing that happens to me, when I realize that i feel ___. that means lonely. what’s so funny about that whole process, is that no one would believe it for a minute, if I actually said that to them. i mean, people that know me well might think that that’s kind of impossible, but whatever. “you’re so popular libby” “you know so many people” “you’re always so busy” There are so many faux-pas’s to move past when we really start to think about what loneliness and life-giving relationships actually are. or, better, what fullfilment is.

i struggle with that feeling so often, then i’ll read a book in whatever spare time I have (or fake spare time) and i’ll be eloquently reminded that God in fact is there, and that I need to get over myself – thank you Brennan Manning, for that one – over and over again.

i happened to fall upon an article today on a blog, this interview between two people i’ve never once before heard of. don’t ask. but what i read, made me cry. not bawl, but cry. it said to me, you’re seriously not crazy, Libby. damn i feel so crazy the last few months. here’s the line that captured me today:

Our forebears defined themselves by what they produced. Now people define themselves by what they consume. And this undermines our sense of effectiveness in the world. No matter how much you define yourself as this important, significant individual, there’s a feeling that nothing you do is going to make any difference.

This is even harder for Christians. We have the mandate to go out and bring the gospel to the world. And yet it often seems like nobody’s listening. So we are tempted to try things we shouldn’t get into, because we think nobody will find out. That’s the path to disintegration-when we
are so isolated, lonely, and ineffective that we start to think our lives don’t
matter. – Frederica Mathewes-Green

Yup… that’s me lately. blah…

ps… please, check out Katie Herzig if you get a chance… amazing…


One response to “not even close…

  1. Thanks for sharing that. Often, it’s easy to feel like God’s not there. I know for me since I rarely acknowledge God’s presence when I don’t feel ____. It makes me feel even more alone when I do feel ____. Nouwen suggest that it’s having those times when things are completely removed then God can work through you without all the other crap in the way. I’m not sure I agree, but it’s a thought!

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