i’d rather just grieve…

why is it that people can’t just say what they’re thinking or feeling? why do i have a compulsion with hiding some things from others, for the sake of myself? i mean, momentarily I want to blame it on boys. I want to blame it on immature and insecure boys who won’t be themselves (ok, himself) around me for some bizarre reason, which only has me in turn not behaving like myself. It’s KIND OF ridiculous. (did you notice the capital letters?)

I don’t quite “get” it, I just know that I’m sick and tired of not actually saying what I feel, but I’m so afraid to get hurt that I’d rather be miserable than admit my feelings. I play those games that lots of us play, when we think one thing and definitely do the other for the fear of self. Unfortunately, this fear doesn’t just encapsulate self, turns out. Our fears affect others, I’m really starting to realize in a very real and painful way. And often, to the detriment of friendships. damnit, i’m frustrated, annoyed, and well, perplexed.

I wonder when I’ll be willing to put myself out there. I also wonder why heads are so varying in size. just wanted to add that in there…

i’m so tired, and i can’t sleep… damn “nap” during a movie I shouldn’t have “watched” at 11 pm 😦 c’est la vie

….::.::…big old world…::.::…..:::…kate york…:::…

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