sleep with one eye

the good thing about the speed at which I’ve been writing blogs lately is that you learn a lot about the random introspection occurring almost momentarily in my mind.

the bad thing about said speed is that I get no commentary. am I allowed to put myself that much “out there” and beg for attention? It’s probably not a mature thought, but a valid desire, I do think.

I’m quite confused, or at least, I’m rather puzzled by some of my life in the past few weeks. I’m not sure I know what the hell God is doing in my life, and let’s be honest here – I’m not quite sure I like it. I know that the end of the run will make sense, in some sort of a “ok, I get it” – though I am willing to guess that that getting is probably not going to be a happy get it, or even logical, but more like a lesson in resigning to God’s will, yet again. is it bad that I get peeved off sometimes with this. apparently I want to be God lately. I could try to pull that card and claim it, but the loony bin doesn’t sound too enticing.

let’s been honest, I’m kind of already living in my own sort of a loony bin at Fuller. we’re all pretty psycho, when we push aside our own selfish feelings and dreams. better yet, I want to be with a bunch of psychos who are willing to put that out on the table together, instead of hiding from our own looniness (wow, how does one spell that word!). i mean, let’s just admit that we’re all the weird people.

even the so-called cool people are weird. how many famous actors/musicians would make that claim? I feel like I see those kind of comments in articles, on interviews, etc, pop up all the time. inherently, we all want others to accept that we are just quirky… and yet, we all put up lovely facades of being normal.

whatever, grow up. please. please.

i guess what i’m trying to say is that i’m sick of superficiality and insecurity… oh wait, that’s me too.



2 responses to “sleep with one eye

  1. Libs, I think you need to slow down on the blogs and spend more time studying. Just kidding!!! Hopefully I’ll be able to catch you by phone tomorrow??

  2. thanks for being real and calling people out on it, even if you feel it only happens sometimes or on blogs. look forward to seeing you after your great adventure.

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