you’re almost there

So I’m back… and the reality has sunk in, ever so rudely, that I’m back back. No longer is orientation months away, it’s a week and a day. No more running from some realities in my life. No more ignoring the fact that I’m moving, again, in a week.

It’s funny, this final leg of my whirlwind trip I literally didn’t talk to a single person while traveling. I’m quite used to, at this point in my life, that the person next to me on a plane will assuredly speak to me in a matter of ten minutes. Even when I think the person is going to be super crabby, for some reason they end up telling me about some part of their life – I love it, quite frankly. It certainly helps hours to pass when I’m avoiding reading a book that I HAVE to read. Well, don’t ask me how, but it didn’t happen. The only word I said my entire travel day was “thanks for trying” when my bag was awkwardly positioned on the belt and this guy and i kept chasing it around to get it off (it was lodged quite high “behind” some bags), and I finally managed to capture the stinker. (Sounds like a kid that I’m referring to! ha)

So instead I slept quite a bit (let’s discuss how delightful it is to have an empty row on flight #1), and read/listened to a row of coworkers degrade women for an hour an a half on flight leg #2. At one point, I was about 3 seconds away from turning around amd slapping them, or at least saying something witty and stern, but I refrained.

The lack of adult conversation, shall I say, that morning had me thinking a lot about how I was leaving, again, a community I miss and love greatly, but which has certainly changed and is in a clearly ‘bad’ place lately, to return to a place of true uncertainty. Fuller/Pasadena/what have you is about to change a bit, I do think. My life circumstances, my community, and the realities of Libby are certainly about to change, it would appear. I move next week, again, and with it comes a whole new experience in living. I FINALLY get a room to myself, that is actually mine. I get to pick a paint color. I get to purchase furniture (ok, let’s be honest – that is a few weeks away still). But truth be told, I’ll be living with a dear friend (yay, Anna!), and I’ll back on campus (yay, no driving!) And that’s just one smidgen of the realities of change coming my way.

As I pondered these ultimate realities in my life, I wondered if I am really ready for the changes, and if I’m ready to make some other changes in my life that I need. Am I ready to stop running away from people and myself? Am I ready to do some more growing up? Am I ready to shed this insecurity that runs deep in my veins? Am I ready to trust that I am worthy? Am I ready to stand up to some crap I’ve been dealing with?

Am I ready? I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready in the truest sense of the word, but I certainly think I’m prepared and equipped for the challenges that lay ahead of me. I trust, immensely, in this.

::::….::::child I can see ya::::….:::::katie herzig:::::


One response to “you’re almost there

  1. JUST DO IT. By which I mean, work past your fears and engage in The Conversation. And then call me to tell me about it.

    And PS, so sad to hear about Madeleine L’Engle! Especially the nursing home part. I mean, she could have come to live with us. đŸ™‚

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