the beginning of the end

I was at a baseball game last night with two friends – both of whom I haven’t often hung out with, but certainly enjoy their company. Last night was clearly filled with moments of laughter, and in some senses, really meeting two friends at a deeper level. I was thinking about it a bit when I got home and was talking to one of my roommates. We were discussing the social sphere of Fuller and are curious about the depth of relationships that people have – frankly, she asked if people even had deep relationships.

Interjection #8935393: It made me realize that I’m a weirdo. Seriously, I get all weird that people don’t like me, blah blah blah. What crap. The certainly don’t hate me – put let’s just put it out there. If you hate me, please tell me. It’d make my year much simpler.

Change seems to follow me around like bread and butter. As soon as you feel comfortable, wham, something different messes up something you’re finally ok with about your life. My mom told me the other day on the phone, “nothing normal happens to you.” Thank, Mom. It’s true though. Most people fly home. How many people have someone on their plane ride, who you don’t talk to, that you should be a pastor, without having breathed a word about your life to that person. She happened to overhear a “short” portion of the the conversation you had had. I mean, what? Most people don’t bend their car key and lose a fuel tank cap all in a 4 hour period of time.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the ridiculousness that is my life. I let it happen in some senses. In other words, I permit the chaos and drama. Even to the point of refusing to stop it, all for insecurity or self-doubt’s sake (weird phrase, granted).

But in the midst of my abnormal life, as my mother would apparently term it, I love every minute of it. I love that I’m the person who’s LCD screen breaks between sunset and sunrise. It keeps me on my toes.

All that I want right now is a quarter, a from-now-til-December 31st if you will, period of time in my life where I learn to roll even moreso with the punches, talk less about the punches, and just, well, laugh a lot more. (Who knows about those snorts, though!) I’m ready to challenge myself, and others, to start to go even deeper at Fuller, too. I’m ready to have those conversations, I think, about how we’re actually living our lives out. I don’t want kitchy-Christianity, but I also don’t want lack-of-following Christ in my life. I want, well, I want authenticity and genuiosity (not a word, but it’s my newest syllogism of the week!).

Anyone want to join me?


4 responses to “the beginning of the end

  1. Of course. I’ll get the metaphorical scuba gear out – let’s dive in! 🙂 Seriously though, our talks have already stirred me towards prayer again, which I’m deeply grateful. Keep pushing Libby.

  2. I am ever amazed at the things that happen to you. It’s crazy really. I don’t know how you keep getting up each day and dealing with all the stuff. I discovered today that I need to watch Bambi. My prof compared me to Bambi. Since I’m not exactly sure if it’s a good thing, I’m going to watch the movie to find out. This from the same person who promises to “shoot me” if I stray from internship. He cracks me up. Seriously. Who says those kinds of things?? Oh right, he does. Anyway, I like you how you are, so who cares what other peoples think?

  3. Soul Food Dude

    Aye, I will! My wife and I will be moving in for my first quarter at Fuller in the Spring. Thanks for being real. 🙂

  4. forgive me for being so blunt, but who are you?

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