that is not the end

For almost 2 years I’ve been living just outside of America’s 2nd largest city, in the 2nd suburb of Los Angeles, and apparently the Indiana “colony” in LA county, chosen for healthy air for Dr. Berry’s respiratory patients who all had (including the doctor) asthma (thank you Wikipedia). Either way, the irony is hilarious. Did i mention I have family that lives here whom my mother has never met? Yeah, so welcome to connection city 2.0. Pasadena, you were supposed to be a third home, apparently.

Lately though, it’s certainly not to say that it’s not a “home” but I think I’m realizing how much I miss in the other 47 contiguous states. I am realizing more that the community I have had in my life at different points has meant so much to me, and yet how glaringly absent it can feel at moments out here. It’s difficult, because I direly and dearly love my friends here. But in the last few months, school’s chaos and works’ insanity have left me wondering just how many fun and important things I’ve missed with those communities. People who “fit” into my schedule have been added to my life. NOT a bad thing, but a complicating thing. How does this mess clean up? A girl’s gotta stop adding people into her life at some point, right?

With so many friends graduating this past quarter (ahem, Sept 19th) or in the next, this utterly blatant reality has set in, and far too subtly for me: my world is going to be rocked, again, in the next year.

More weddings, more babies, more showers (of the party variety). And more and more of them will not be across town, but in very far far away land. It’s amazing to see my friends’ and family’s lives evolve an grow, but its not easy either. I’ve always been content being wherever I’ve “been”: midwest, west coast, east coast. I’ve always had the “big city” itch, and its been bit. I still love it. I love it, really. But, I want this place to be over there. Well, I mean, i’m not like obsessed with LA – get that straight. There’s enough I’m okay with not having, like smog, but really. It’s not horrific or something.

But I don’t like to know that to go home is going to cost me $450 and that’s to Cleveland. When I was in Indy, it was a 7 hour car ride, but if I wanted to do it last minute, I could have. That is non-existent anymore. I want to be in a city. And frankly, I think I know where I want to be. And yet, I have this strong sense that I’m not leaving any time soon. Sigh…

A friend out here sent me this link though. Apparently, I’m not allowed to go!

::::that is not the end:::::….:::katie herzig:::


4 responses to “that is not the end

  1. smileyange

    Wow! Boyz II Men reunited! You definitely MUST go…;) Hope you’re having a good one!

  2. You want to be HERE, with me!!!

  3. themadlibs

    me too, dear… me too

  4. Just came to check out another Fuller person’s blog. I’d love it if you would check out mine.

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