oh death, where is thy sting?

death has always rung awkwardly in my mind. from an early age, I was acquainted with the unknown nature of life. I learned quickly that someone can come and go from your life rather rapidly. I was in 5th grade when the first major death in my life happened. Ironically, it was my first crush. I met him in a support group I’d started for children with siblings with cancer. (yeah, that’s another story for another time). I had known Mike for 2 years and his cancer crept back, he had a stroke and was dead within 3 weeks. I actually was able to go visit him at Children’s hospital with my mom, but the nurses wouldn’t let me visit him b/c they thought it would be too difficult to see. Four days later he was dead.

But I think after about 6 deaths in 7 more years, the sting was gone. I was unmoved by it.

And here I am, still somewhat cold to the notion of death. It makes me wonder why. Why? WHY? It’s not easy. it’s not fair, nor is it pleasant. How am i supposed to be pastoral when death doesn’t bring me to tears or rock me to my core. Even when my uncle died recently, I wasn’t rather emotionally affected. I mean, it was bad. I felt something for my aunt and cousins, but I had relatively no grieving to process. I felt like I needed to make it up to some extent. It makes me wonder if I’m a fake, cold-hearted individual. Hmmm…

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2 responses to “oh death, where is thy sting?

  1. Even though I haven’t had many experiences with death, I know what you mean. To be honest, I didn’t feel much of anything at my Grandmother’s funeral a few weeks ago…I was upset when I saw my mom and her siblings crying, but other than that, it was pretty much just a fact that she was no longer living.

  2. themadlibs

    i wonder if part of the problem is assuming tears are the only way to express emotions?

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